Skeleton Rick
by HookahSocialism
Summary: Rick becomes a spooky scary skeleton in the spirit of Halloween. Toot reacts only.


Beth is putting out a giant bowl of candy for the oncoming trick or treaders, even Jerry is in the mood for Halloween and says he has torrented on his laptop for the family to watch several classic horror movies.

Morty is dressed as a pirate because as he puts it to Beth "Life IS a horror... death is just worse." Summer is a bumble bee.

"Why...why are you a bumble bee Summer?"

"I figured while we go to the halloween party, I would raise awareness about the immensely deteriorating bee population. No bees means no honey and no halloween candy!"

"I think uhhhh I think if the bees die Summer it means no life on this planet more advanced than a three celled germ but sure...candy...go with that Summer."

Beth walks by

"Also it makes your ass look huge."

"MOOOM!!!"

Morty looks around:

"Speaking of inappropriate sexual connotations infront of minors...wheres Rick guys?"

They go into the garage and see a Rick looking skeleton hanging on a door. Summer goes up to it.

"Wow... I didnt think grandpa had a celebratory side..."

"Summer stay...stay away from that. It could be some alien body or..."

The Skeleton starts flailing and chattering.

"Wubba lubba halloween hahaha!!!"

Summer screams and falls on her bee behind.

"Oh wow that makes a great cushion..."

"Im...Im a skeleton kiddos! Whatcha think of THAT?! I'm a skeleton and theres no bones about it heheh."

Morty pretend smiles.

"Yeah Rick thats umm...thats a pun. Why are you a skeleton?"

"Cause I have a bone to pick with the neighbors hahaha!!!"

Skeleton jaw chatters.

"Ok..."

"But no seriously. They said I was creepy yet somehow also not in the spirit of halloween. The neighbors Morty..."

His jaw is just wide open.

"Yeah Rick?"

"Oh I forgot I dont have intenstines and a stomach anymore so no gastral release. Phantom limb syndrome Morty... anyway the neighbors Morty. They're dicks. They keep harassing your parents and wanna use the government to get them on something just cause they dont like me. A neighborhood watch is really just moderators for normies. Or more accurately the reportfags unionized."

"Sooo you became a skeleton?"

"Thats right Morty! I became a Skeleton so your parents don't get boned!!! Get it Morty?! BONED!!!"

"You can stop with the puns now Rick..."

"Can't and won't Morty. Loo...Look at this."

He opens the fridge and pulls out a gallon of milk and pours it on himself.

"AW YEAH THATS THE STUFF. I...I dont even need alcohol or food to substain myself Morty. Just good ole' all American milk! That sweet sweet calcium!"

"Ok im pretty sure dietary calcium doesn't work that way...secondly you don't NEED alcohol you're just AN ALCOHOLIC."

"Sounds like you're a BONEFIED loser Morty! Hahaha BONEFIED!!!"

"That...that wasnt even clever Rick! Whats wrong with you?!"

"Comeon you shitheads...we got a party to get too!"

As Summer follows Morty pulls her back.

"Summer...something, something is really off about Skeleton Rick."

"I know! He's friendly, he's quick to make a joke, yeah he's a little weird...but he was always weird!"

"Im serious Summer!"

"I'M serious Morty! This party is the biggest in the entire county region. If we hit it off here we'll be popular not just at our school but pretty much any school in our city!"

"Fine geez Summer... I mean its not like Rick can be any worse than he usually is but it just worries me you know? Everytime he does some weird shit we end up paying for it."

They go to the party. Everyone is having a good time, chatting, dancing, drinking, as Morty is dancing with Jessica Rick comes up chattering.

"Morty haha!!! Grow a spine and bone that thot Jessica like you always wanted!"

Jessica giggles "Is that your grandpa?"

"Yeah uhhh Rick you um...you made that pun already."

"Bone is a G rated way of saying fuck Morty and theres like seven ways to say fuck and I plan to use all of them in a lame ass pun! SKELETON RICK!!!"

His jaw chatters.

He all of a sudden bites Jessica's shoulder. "Ow!"

"Oh boy...I...I dont have to be a genius to know where this is leading."

"Its fine Morty. Your grandpa is just weird. Comeon..."

she grabs his hand and they go upstairs.

"Oh wow is this really happening?!"

Jessica undresses.

"Comeon Morty...I know you've liked me for a long time. Get over here and gimme your calcium!"

"Ok thats obviously a fucked up sign but you know what? Ill worry about it it in fifteen minutes..."

As Summer is dancing with some students talking about the bees dying to global warming to the song "Im your boogie man" they hear Morty screaming.

"Heheh wow those two are really going at it!"

In the bedroom Morty is screaming as Jessica's eyes roll back her skin melts right off her face and she becomes a skeleton. All her organs fall to the floor. And she chatters her jaw and wipes her mouth.

"You know in retrospect I dont think semen has a whole lotta calcium...zinc more probably. Wanna zinc our way back down stairs and scarf the calcium rich candy with me before those fat ass fleshies get to it?"

"I...ok Jessica"

"Get it Morty?! I said zinc down stairs instead if slink!"

"Yeahyeah I get it. Its a slightly better play on words than Rick's horse shit. It...its still pretty bad though."

Skeleton Jessica giggles.

As Morty goes down stairs he notices almost everyone is a skeleton.

"WHAT THE..."

Summer runs up to him and Jessica.

"Oh Morty thank God! I thought i was too drunk and seeing everyone as skeletons."

"Summer even acid couldn't do that. You...you're an idiot sis!"

Rick suddenly has Michael Jackson's thriller outfit on and doing a dance number with all the skeletons.

"Oh geez Summer..."

"What do we do Morty?! Im freaking out!"

Morty slaps Summer.

"Get it together girl we've been through worse! We just need to call an expert on spooky scary skeletons..."

The phone of The Devil rings. He's sipping some tea using some demon in a leather mask as foot rest and answers:

"Yes? Skeleton Rick you say? Well I suppose I couuuld help for a price. Your souls? Oh dear Sanchezes your souls arent worth a damn! Nono... You want to get rid of your bad puns problem and I wanna get rid of mine."

Robin Williams is tugging his hawainn shirt

"Woo boy its hot as hell down here! HEHEH get it? We have a hell of a time together dont we Devil?!"

The Devil squints his eyes.

Morty hangs up.

"L...lets just deal with the devil we know Summer."

Skeleton Rick chatters closeup to the camera.

"Now thats a bonefied pun! Wubba luba dubDUB!!!"

Summer clings to Morty.

"There has to be some way to cure them!"

"Well uhhh they keep saying they want calcium. Maybe...maybe if we dont let them have calcium theyll turn back to normal!"

"Couldnt they just die?"

"Well thats not the worse scenario right now Summer... I mean, I mean we've established shit dont get better when we die with Robin Williams waiting for us. So lets make the most out of this life."

"Well whats the opposite of calcium?!"

"Hmmm..."

Morty sees some two liters and how videos show how soda pop eats away at egg shells calcium so he shakes it and sprays it on the skeletons. They start screaming and flesh reemerges on their body.

Summer turns on her phone and maximizes the volume of an Idubbz video;

"Osteoperosis!"

They chatter heavily and more of them turn human.

Ric backs into a corner.

"You kids better stepoff! I might be Skeleton Rick but i'm still a Rick! Im bad to the bone! HAHA"

Summer throws a hamburger at Rick.

"Really Summer?"

"Vegan blogs say more calcium is absorbed from your kidneys processing meat protien than..."

"VEGANS ARE THE BIGGEST SKELETONS OF ALL SUMMER!!!"

Distracted Morty spays several shaken two liters at Rick. As both are screaming he turns flesh but is naked.

As he gets up dripping with soda and stoic he looks at them.

"You guys act like you've never seen grandpa's wang before..."

"So you got naked BEFORE you became a skeleton?"

"Duh Morty! Why would I need clothes if I'm a skeleton?"

Everyone goes harm and says it was a great party. It got a little weird at the end there but still a happy halloween.

At home Summer and Rick are watching horror movies with Jerry who is biting the pillow scared. Rick is drinking a half gallon of milk out of the jug.

"GRANDPA!!!"

"What Summer? Milk tastes good and im drinking it before it goes bad... (belch!) dumb bitch...wheres Morty?"

Morty opens a door in a tool shed and chained up is Skeleton Jessica.

"Did you bring me any calcium?"

Morty has grocery bags with cheese and milk, puts them down and unzips his pants.

"Oh yea bebe gurl...I'll always be your calcium daddy... now let me zinc it in!"

Faintly in the background you hear Rick yell WUBBA LUBBA DUBDUB!!!


End file.
